I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
