i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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