your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
