Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize