dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
