Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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