the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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