i was born a porn star she said
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
