How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
