Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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