I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize