Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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