I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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