I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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