the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
