My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize