I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
