I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
