I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
