today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
