she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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