Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
