you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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