bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
