I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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