I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
