she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think your dad took our porno
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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