Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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