Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
