My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
