i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
