Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
