woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
