I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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