I wanna bring you to show and tell
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
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