i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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