Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
