did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
