..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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