So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
