I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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