Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
