me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your penis caused this!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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