I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
