NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
