Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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