Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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