im about as happy as oj after his trial
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
