She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
