I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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