I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
