There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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