My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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