We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The Olympian is in my bed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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