thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
