Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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