She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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