sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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