Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
