I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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