Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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