There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
