There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
