i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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