I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize