Your face is a jimmy john
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
