god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My vagina just recognized that song.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
