woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
