btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize