I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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