Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
