I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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