Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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