If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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