I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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