and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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