My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
