i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
