Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize