How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
