dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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