my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
