ya dads aren't the best wingmen
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
