I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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