Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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