I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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