Where is the hickey?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
