so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
