I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
