He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
