I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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