Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My feet surprised me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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