i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
