Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
