home. puking in laundry basket.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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