just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
