You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
