I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
