whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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