I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
