Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
