I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
