well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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